I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize