Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Randomize
