24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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