DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
