when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
