Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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