that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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