If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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