That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
