unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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