I showed him my bush... on skype.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
