Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
