I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
