Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
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