I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
