well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
