I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
