so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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