She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
