You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He did a backflip because drugs
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
