Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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