I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
