My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
