Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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