I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
