Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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