You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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