Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
There r osticjed everywhere
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
