You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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