Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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