dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
