i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
