he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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