this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
