Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
