i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
