I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
