someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
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it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
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So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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