I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
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