If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Couch. On fire.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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