i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize