Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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