Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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