rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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