I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
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The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
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Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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