Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
