My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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