I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
