I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
