Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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