He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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