I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
