i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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