I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize