So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
