Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
