What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
