wanna go halves on a baby?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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