whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
