I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Boobs speak an international language.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
