there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
