I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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