Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
