my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
