i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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