im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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