Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
