a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
pop tarts are not kleenex
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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