sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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