So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
