This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
