Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
